You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
