thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
