people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
