I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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