My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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