Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
