Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Enjoy the penises
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
