Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
