Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
