So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
