Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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