I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
