I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shame - the story of my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
