You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize