Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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