My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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