I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
