my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dick has a subreddit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
