his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
