i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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