I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
