Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want a musical about memes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
