Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
