Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
