Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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