did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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