He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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