You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
