My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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