haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
