You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
