Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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