Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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