I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wear drunk well.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
