Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
