im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
