well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
