so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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