I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
