don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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