dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
