Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
