Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
