This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
