I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
