saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
