Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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