the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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