this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
