Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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