Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
