she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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