Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
