Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
