If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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