I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How does one acquire holy water?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
