Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
