I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
