There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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