I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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