Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
