just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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