I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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