we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
