Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
