I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
