If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
