Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
