Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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