Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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