But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
