Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
