My room smells like vodka and shame
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
